We all have those people in our lives who drain us rather than energize us. You know exactly who I’m talking about — that friend who always leaves you feeling worse after a conversation, or that family member whose calls you dread answering. I’ve learned through years of experience that these relationships can significantly impact our well-being and success.
I believe it’s time we normalize letting go of relationships that no longer serve us. This isn’t about being cruel or selfish – it’s about self-preservation and growth.
The Courage to Let Go
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn in my journey is that not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people are in our lives for a season, and that’s okay. The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your relationships. This truth has transformed how I approach my personal and professional connections.
When I work with clients or speak to audiences, I often ask: “Do you have friends who don’t make you feel good? Do you have family members who drain your energy every time you talk to them?” The uncomfortable shifting and nodding that follows tells me everything I need to know.
The solution is simple but not easy: Let these relationships fall away.
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How to Break Free Respectfully
Breaking ties with someone, especially a long-term friend or family member, can feel impossible. That’s why I’ve developed a straightforward approach that puts the focus on your journey rather than blaming the other person:
“Hey, this is about me. I want to apologize to you upfront, but I cannot be your friend anymore, so I appreciate it if you don’t talk to me or invite me places. I don’t like who I am when we’re together.”
This approach accomplishes several things:
- It takes responsibility rather than placing blame
- It clearly communicates boundaries
- It focuses on your personal growth journey
- It prevents the awkward “slow fade” that often happens
- It gives both parties a clean break to move forward
The key is understanding that this conversation isn’t about making the other person feel bad. It’s about recognizing that you need to surround yourself with the right people and ideas to become your best self.
Building Your Success Circle
I firmly believe that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. This isn’t just motivational talk – it’s a principle that has guided my success throughout my career in sports, entertainment, and business coaching.
When I was building my career at Leigh Steinberg Sports & Entertainment, I made it a point to surround myself with people who challenged me, inspired me, and made me feel good about myself and my potential. This deliberate approach to relationships became a cornerstone of my success.
The people around you influence:
- Your mindset and belief systems
- Your energy levels and emotional state
- Your ambitions and what you consider possible
- Your habits and daily practices
- Your resilience when facing challenges
Consider this: Would you continue using a product that made you feel terrible every time you used it? Of course not. Yet we often maintain relationships that consistently make us feel bad about ourselves out of obligation, history, or fear of conflict.
Making Space for Growth
When you let go of relationships that don’t serve you, you create space for new connections that align with who you’re becoming. This isn’t about having a “perfect” social circle – it’s about being intentional with your time and energy.
I’ve found that when I surround myself with the right people and ideas, I naturally rise to their level. Conversely, when I spend time with people who are negative, unmotivated, or critical, it becomes much harder to maintain my own standards and vision.
The most successful people I know are incredibly selective about who they spend time with. They understand that time is their most valuable resource, and they invest it wisely in relationships that help them grow.
Remember, letting go of certain relationships doesn’t mean you don’t care about those people. It means you care enough about yourself to create the conditions you need to thrive. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do – for yourself and others – is to recognize when a relationship has run its course.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Isn’t it selfish to end friendships just because they don’t make me feel good?
It’s not selfish to prioritize your well-being. Think of it as similar to how airlines instruct you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. You can’t be your best self or truly help others if negative relationships constantly drain you. Making conscious choices about who you spend time with is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
Q: What if the person is a close family member I can’t altogether avoid?
With family members, you may need to establish boundaries rather than complete separation. Limit interaction to specific occasions, keep conversations light, or reduce the frequency of contact. You can also prepare mentally before interactions and have exit strategies ready. Remember that even with family, you have the right to protect your emotional health.
Q: How do I know if a relationship is truly toxic or if I’m just going through a rough patch?
Look for patterns over time, not isolated incidents. Ask yourself: After spending time with this person, do I consistently feel drained, anxious, or bad about myself? Do they support my growth or undermine it? Do they respect my boundaries? If the relationship has been consistently negative for months or years despite your efforts to improve it, that’s a strong indicator it may be time to let go.
Q: Won’t the person be hurt if I tell them I don’t want to be friends anymore?
There may be some hurt feelings initially, but in the long run, honesty is kinder than pretending. By framing it as your personal journey rather than their fault, you minimize blame while still being truthful. Most people would rather have a clean break than wonder why someone is suddenly distant or unavailable. The script I provided focuses on your needs without attacking them.
Q: After ending toxic relationships, how do I find new, positive connections?
Focus on activities and environments aligned with your values and goals. Join groups, classes, or organizations related to your interests or professional aspirations. Quality connections often develop naturally when you’re engaged in meaningful pursuits. Be patient with this process and remember that a few deep, positive relationships are more valuable than many superficial ones. As you become clearer about who you are, you’ll naturally attract people who appreciate that authentic self.
