Entrepreneurs obsess over hiring, capital, and strategy. Yet the costliest mistake isn’t on a balance sheet. The most expensive mistake is neglecting a marriage. Divorce halves assets and shatters focus. More damaging is the bitterness and fatigue that follow. A thriving marriage, on the other hand, fuels creativity, resilience, and joy. It’s the investment that pays in every area of life.
My stance is simple: treat your marriage like your most important partnership. Build it with intention, structure, and heart. When I stopped winging it at home and applied the same rigor I used in business, everything improved—love, health, and yes, wealth.
The Core Argument
I used to tell my wife, Carrie, “I’m doing this for you.” I was gone, distracted, and self-justified. The truth hurt. She looked at me and said:
“I didn’t ask for any of this. I asked for you.”
That line changed me. I had a mission for my company but none for my marriage. No plan, no rhythm, no vision. I corrected that. Nothing compounds like love when you make space for it. These are the five habits that turned a good marriage into an epic one and strengthened every other part of life.
Here are the practices I built and still protect.
- The Relationship Huddle — A weekly 45–60 minute meeting with no phones. We open with one question: “How present am I as a husband?” If the score is seven, it means I’m not there. We address issues before they become crises, refine the calendar, and design our future. We also use a “do-over” when tempers flare, which prevents minor moments from becoming major regrets.
- Date Your Spouse Every Week — Not “What do you want to do tonight?” Plan it. Lead it. I keep an ongoing list of great restaurants, creative outings, hikes, and conversation decks. The goal is depth, not price. You fell in love on purpose; stay in love on purpose.
- Create a Marriage Vision — In 2009, when business stress peaked, Carrie asked why I took care of everyone before us. We wrote guidelines and a vision. Mine: be a premier romantic and extraordinary husband. We interviewed couples with great marriages, read, and implemented. Better questions led to better connection.
- Always Have a Trip on the Books — Anticipation is medicine. We live by a 14-night rule each year away as a couple. Some trips are fancy; others are simple weekends. The point is to play, laugh, and remember we’re a team.
- Give 100%—No Hidden Reserve — For years, I held back 10% out of fear. That was the piece that mattered most. When I finally gave my whole heart—vulnerability, softness, emotion—everything opened up. Love grows when you stop guarding it.
These habits aren’t grand gestures; they are repeatable systems. Small, consistent acts beat occasional heroics.
Evidence, Examples, and A Few Hard Truths
I’ve seen entrepreneurs lose focus, health, and half their net worth through divorce. The math is brutal, but the emotional bill is worse. Contrast that with a simple weekly huddle and planned dates—both cost almost nothing and return in energy, clarity, and intimacy.
I’ve also watched mentors model this well. Jay Abraham once pulled me aside after I shared these ideas and said they mattered. Joe Polish pushed me to share them on stage. Friends like Keith offered creative date ideas. Patricia talked Carrie through new-parent nerves before a trip to Copenhagen. Community and conversation helped us level up.
Some argue kids should come first or that business demands leave no time. I disagree. Put your marriage first and your kids get stronger parents. Put it first and your company gets a leader with focus instead of a shell running on fumes. The alternative is slow erosion: living like roommates, calling it sacrifice, and wondering why joy left.
“How present am I as a husband?”
That single question revealed more blind spots than any spreadsheet. Presence can’t be faked. It shows up in laughter, attention, and the way conflict is handled.
What Changed When I Went All In
We named our rituals so they’d stick: coffee-and-Carrie in the morning, a hot-tub “vision and visit” at night, walk-and-talks, Sunday family focus, and quarterly retreats. Naming made them real. Scheduling protected them. The compound effect was joy. My wife once said her favorite thing about me is when I make her laugh and show who I really am. Not the books. Not the business. Me.
You can win at money and still lose at life if you lose the person next to you. I’ve had the wealth without the magic. It was empty. Now I invest where the returns are deepest—love, trust, and shared adventure.
Call To Action
Decide today to treat your marriage like your most vital partnership. Schedule a weekly huddle. Plan next week’s date. Put a trip on the calendar. Ask better questions and listen for real answers. Most of all, drop the reserve and give your whole heart.
The ROI is unmistakable: more joy, stronger families, better business, and a life you’re proud to live together.
