Money doesn’t create jerks – it simply magnifies who people already are. I’ve seen this firsthand in my own journey from coal miner’s son to multimillionaire entrepreneur.
What drives many wealthy people to success is often a desire to prove themselves. Take Steve Harvey, who sends a TV to a teacher every year who once told him he’d never be good enough to be on television. While impressive on the surface, I see this as wearing bitterness like a badge of honor – a chip on his shoulder that fuels his drive.
This pattern is familiar. Many successful people are trying to fill an internal void, thinking money will prove their worth. But no amount of wealth can fill that emptiness if it stems from bitterness, anger, frustration, or scarcity mindset.
The Two Paths of Scarcity Thinking
People with scarcity mindsets typically take one of two paths:
- Inaction – “There isn’t enough, so why bother trying?”
- Hyper-competition – “There’s not much to go around, so I’ll do whatever it takes to get mine.”
That second path can be particularly destructive. While being resourceful is positive, the “whatever it takes” attitude becomes toxic when it means “I don’t care who I hurt along the way.”
One of my least favorite sayings is “It’s not personal, it’s business” – which is typically what someone says right before or after they screw you over. When did business become about taking advantage of others?
Value Creation vs. Value Extraction
True wealth comes from exchange – solving problems and adding value through service. Some of the wealthiest people I know are incredibly generous.
What often gets mistaken for arrogance is simply boundaries. Successful people must protect their time and energy. As Adam Grant explains in “Give and Take,” the most successful givers are selective with their generosity, while those who say yes to everyone end up depleted and struggling.
I see two fundamental worldviews at play:
- Scarcity view: Profit comes from deception and coercion – taking from others through manipulation, overpromising, or scams.
- Abundance view: Profit comes from value creation – serving others, solving problems, and making the pie bigger for everyone.
The abundance mindset emphasizes collaboration over competition. Instead of trying to destroy competitors, those with abundance thinking ask: “How can we uplift the entire industry? How can we learn from each other?”
My Own Journey With Wealth
I’ve been on both sides of this equation. In 2007, driving my Bentley, I got upset when valets didn’t park it up front at a hotel. My wife asked, “What’s wrong with you?” – and she was right. I was being a jerk because I hadn’t healed certain wounds from my childhood.
At age three, I was hit by a car while crossing the street. Seeing my family’s worry and pain, I internalized the belief that if I wasn’t perfect, I caused pain to those I loved. This drove me to pursue perfection and wealth as protection.
My ambition stemmed from good intentions — a desire to take care of my family – but it manifested in unhealthy ways. I thought more money would fix everything, but it only magnified my unresolved issues.
Through therapy and personal development work, I’ve learned that success isn’t getting somewhere alone. It’s about designing a life I don’t want to retire from, enjoying the process, and sharing it with people I love.
The Truth About Wealthy People
In my experience, nine out of ten wealthy individuals are amazing and generous. The exceptions get all the attention. The world loves to take down the rich – just look at how we treat celebrities who make mistakes versus business people who do the same.
Wealthy people face challenges too, but often don’t feel they can talk about them. “What do you have to complain about? You have multiple houses!” But money doesn’t shield anyone from relationship problems, family issues, or unresolved trauma.
The irony is that by judging wealthy people, you cut yourself off from their most valuable assets – not their money, but their mental capital (ideas, knowledge, wisdom) and relationship capital (networks, connections). These are what create financial capital in the first place.
So next time you’re tempted to dismiss someone as “just another rich jerk,” consider this: Maybe they’re not the problem. Maybe if you think everyone who is wealthy is an a-hole, you might want to look in the mirror first.
