This approach has served me well throughout my career. From my time as CEO of Leigh Steinberg Sports & Entertainment to my current role as Chairman of the Napoleon Hill Institute, I’ve received countless suggestions, recommendations, and well-intentioned guidance.
Not all advice is created equal, and not all advice is right for you.
I never respond with resentment or anger when someone shares their perspective. Instead, I say “thank you” and genuinely appreciate that they cared enough to offer their thoughts. This gratitude is important – it maintains relationships and keeps communication channels open.
The Sand Through My Fingers Approach
Most advice, like sand, I allow to fall away. Why? Because much of what works for others won’t necessarily work for me. We each have our own:
- Unique circumstances and challenges
- Personal values and priorities
- Individual strengths and weaknesses
- Specific goals and visions
What worked brilliantly for someone else might be completely wrong for my situation. Their success formula might not translate to my context.
This doesn’t mean I dismiss advice outright. I listen carefully and consider each suggestion. I just don’t feel obligated to implement everything I hear.
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Holding Onto the Gems
Every so often, someone offers advice that resonates deeply – a piece that aligns with my values, circumstances, and goals. When this happens, I hold onto it tightly. These rare gems become part of my personal and professional toolkit.
Some of the best advice I’ve received came from unexpected sources. A casual conversation with a colleague led to a business strategy that transformed my approach to sports marketing. A comment from a young entrepreneur helped me rethink my digital presence.
The key is discernment – knowing which pieces to keep and which to let go. This skill develops over time as you become more self-aware and clear about your own path.
Creating Your Own Filter
I recommend developing your own advice filter. When someone offers guidance, ask yourself:
- Does this align with my core values?
- Is it relevant to my specific situation?
- Does the person giving advice have experience in this area?
- Does it feel right intuitively?
- What would implementing this advice cost me in time, energy, or resources?
These questions help separate the valuable nuggets from the well-intentioned but unhelpful suggestions.
Remember that even great advice needs to be adapted to your circumstances. I rarely implement advice exactly as given – I modify it to fit my needs and context.
Giving Advice in Return
This perspective has also changed how I give advice to others. I offer my thoughts with humility, recognizing that what worked for me might not work for everyone. I present my experiences as options rather than mandates.
When coaching entrepreneurs or speaking at events, I emphasize that my guidance is simply one perspective. I encourage people to take what resonates and leave the rest – to let the sand fall through their fingers and hold tight to the gems that make sense for them.
This approach creates more meaningful exchanges. People feel respected rather than lectured, and they’re more likely to find value in our conversations.
The next time someone offers you advice, try receiving it like a handful of sand. Express gratitude, let most of it fall away naturally, and hold tight to the pieces that truly speak to you. Your path is uniquely yours – be selective about the guidance you follow.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do you politely decline advice that doesn’t work for you?
I simply thank the person for sharing their perspective and let them know I’ll consider it. There’s no need to explain why you won’t be using their advice or to debate its merits. A sincere “thank you for that insight” acknowledges their effort without committing you to action.
Q: What if the advice comes from someone in a position of authority, like a boss?
Authority figures deserve respect, but that doesn’t mean blindly following advice that doesn’t fit. I recommend acknowledging their input, asking clarifying questions, and then discussing how you might adapt their suggestions to your specific situation. Most leaders appreciate thoughtful consideration rather than blind compliance.
Q: How can you tell if advice is worth holding onto?
The best advice often resonates immediately – you’ll feel a sense of recognition or clarity. However, sometimes valuable advice needs time to process. I suggest sitting with important advice for a day or two before deciding. If it still makes sense after reflection and aligns with your goals and values, it’s likely worth keeping.
Q: What about conflicting advice from multiple trusted sources?
This happens frequently, especially with complex decisions. When faced with conflicting recommendations from people you respect, look for the underlying principles rather than the specific tactics. Often, seemingly contradictory advice shares common fundamental truths that you can extract and apply in your own way.
Q: How do you build your own confidence in decision-making when surrounded by others’ opinions?
Confidence comes from knowing yourself and your priorities. I recommend regularly reflecting on your core values, strengths, and goals. Keep a record of your past decisions and their outcomes to build trust in your judgment. Remember that even “experts” are working with limited information about your specific situation – you are the ultimate authority on your own life.
