Some lessons hit hardest when you are shivering. That was me this week, sitting in icy water and thinking about love, courage, and the lies we tell ourselves. The point is simple: real love speaks up. It takes guts to tell someone a hard truth, and it takes humility to hear it. We need both, especially now.
The Quiet Trap We Don’t See
Deception is sneaky. It hides in plain sight. We drift into it without noticing. The worst part is how normal it feels in the moment. You think you are fine. You think you have it handled. You don’t.
“When you’re in deception, you rarely know you’re in it.”
It often takes someone outside your “jar” to notice what you can’t. And it takes love—real love—to say it out loud.
“It usually takes somebody outside of the jar that we’re in to be able to see that we’re in deception.”
“It usually takes somebody who loves us that has enough courage to tell us we’re in it.”
That happened to me this week. One of my partners, Adam, called and asked a simple question that cut through the fog.
“Do you think that you’re happier now than you were when you started with us in 2019?”
I answered yes. He wasn’t convinced. He knows me. He’s seen me at my best and could tell something was off.
“You’re just normally extremely positive… if you’re off a little bit, we notice it even more.”
The Rage Bait That Hooked Me
Here is the honest truth. Social media had started to get its hooks into me. Not the funny stuff or the harmless updates. The engineered outrage. The barbed posts designed to trigger a reaction and keep you scrolling. That cycle of anger and division had been wearing me down more than I wanted to admit.
“There’s some rage baiting going on in social media that I was just getting sucked into.”
I don’t like the way people tear each other apart. It feels like a sport. It chips away at joy, gratitude, and connection. And yet, I had let it in. I told myself I was informed, engaged, and tough enough to handle it. That was deception talking.
Love asked for courage. He offered it. I needed to accept it.
“I’m like, I need to quit the rage baiting and allowing social media to suck me into divisiveness.”
Why Speaking Up Matters
We often tell ourselves to mind our own business. We assume a friend will “get over it.” That is easier. It is also unloving. Adam risked an awkward talk because he cares. He didn’t lecture. He asked a question and told the truth. That is the kind of loyalty that changes lives.
Some will argue that social media isn’t the problem. “Just ignore it,” they say. But that misses the design. Outrage is the product. The more you feed it, the more it feeds on you. Willpower helps. Boundaries help more.
This is not about quitting life or hiding from hard topics. It is about guarding the mind and heart so we can lead, serve, and love well. If you lead a team, a family, or a community, your tone sets the tone. Your diet—mental and digital—shows up in your words and actions.
Practical Steps That Help
If this hits close to home, start small and start now.
- Audit your feeds. Cut sources that thrive on outrage.
- Set time limits. Don’t scroll first thing or last thing.
- Replace doom with input that builds gratitude and skill.
- Invite one truth-teller to check your blind spots.
- When a friend looks “off,” ask and listen like Adam did.
These habits are simple, not easy. That’s why they work.
The Cold Plunge We Need
I’ve led turnarounds. I’ve run companies. I coach CEOs. None of that makes me immune to self-deception. It only raises the stakes. Leaders are mirrors. When we let anger steer, it spreads. When we choose courage and love, that spreads too.
Love without courage is silence. Courage without love is noise. We need both. Ask the hard question. Receive the hard answer. Then take action before the water freezes around you.
Here’s my challenge to you: pick one person you trust and ask them what they see that you don’t. Be ready to hear it. Then make one clear change today. Less outrage, more truth. Less division, more courage. That’s how we thaw a numbed heart—and maybe heal a few others along the way.
