Most of us learned the Golden Rule as children: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” This timeless principle provides an excellent foundation for delivering exceptional customer service. When applied to business, it becomes “treat customers the way you want to be treated.” Simple enough, right?
But I’ve come to realize this approach needs refinement. My friend Dr. Tony Alisandre elevated this concept with what he calls the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they’d like done unto them.” Tony makes an important point—not everyone wants to be treated the way you do. What works for you might not work for your customers.
In business, we must adapt to treating customers according to their needs and expectations, not ours. This shift in perspective is crucial for delivering truly exceptional service.
Moving Beyond the Platinum Rule
While the Platinum Rule represents progress, I believe we need to go even further. That’s why I’ve developed what I call the Reality Rule: Treat customers well even if they don’t treat you well.
This might sound challenging, perhaps even unfair. Why should we maintain high standards of service when faced with difficult or rude customers? The answer lies in understanding what we can and cannot control in customer interactions.
We cannot control:
- A customer’s mood when they contact us
- Their past experiences with other companies
- Personal problems they might be experiencing
- Their communication style or temperament
However, we maintain complete control over our response to these situations. The Reality Rule acknowledges this fundamental truth about customer service.
Don’t Keep Score
One of the most damaging mindsets in customer service is scorekeeping. When we think, “This customer is being rude, so I don’t need to go the extra mile,” we’ve already failed. The Reality Rule requires us to abandon this tit-for-tat mentality.
Instead, focus on what you can control:
- Your attitude toward every customer
- The effort you put into resolving their issues
- Your commitment to creating an amazing experience
This approach isn’t about letting customers walk all over you or accepting abuse. It’s about recognizing that maintaining your professional standards isn’t conditional on the customer’s behavior.
The Business Case for Unconditional Service
Beyond being the right thing to do, there’s a strong business case for the Reality Rule. When you respond to difficult situations with patience and professionalism, you often turn negative experiences into positive ones.
I’ve seen countless examples where a customer began an interaction angry or frustrated, but ended it as a loyal advocate—all because someone refused to respond in kind and instead focused on solving their problem.
Even in situations where the customer remains difficult, maintaining your standards protects your brand. Other customers are watching how you handle tough situations. Your team members are observing too, learning from your example.
The ultimate goal is to create an experience that gets your customers to say, “I’ll be back.
That outcome becomes much more likely when you commit to treating customers well, regardless of how they treat you.
Implementing the Reality Rule
Implementing this principle requires both personal commitment and organizational support. Here are some ways to embed the Reality Rule in your approach:
- Recognize that challenging customer behavior rarely has anything to do with you personally
- Take a breath before responding to tense situations
- Focus on the problem rather than the customer’s delivery
- Look for the legitimate need behind even poorly expressed complaints
- Celebrate team members who handle difficult situations with grace
The Reality Rule isn’t always easy to follow. There will be days when maintaining your standards feels like an uphill battle. But consistently treating customers well—regardless of their behavior—is what separates truly exceptional service organizations from the rest.
Remember, your commitment to creating an amazing customer experience shouldn’t depend on how “deserving” the customer seems. When you embrace this reality, you’ll find yourself building stronger customer relationships and a more resilient business.
