Standing in freezing cold water while the air outside is hot and muggy gives you time to think. During my recent cold plunge, I reflected on something that’s taken me 63 years to learn properly: the difference between diligence and striving.
From the outside, these two approaches to work and life can look identical. Someone putting in long hours, pushing through obstacles, and working with determination could be practicing either. But internally, they’re worlds apart.
The Wisdom and Myths That Shaped Me
Growing up, I absorbed messages that shaped my work ethic. A mentor frequently told me, “If it’s to be, it’s up to me.” A close family member often said, “God helps those who help themselves” – which, despite not being in the Bible, reinforced the need for personal responsibility.
As a recovering perfectionist, these messages fueled my drive. Perfectionism became my engine, pushing me to control every aspect of my work and life. I believed that with enough effort, I could guarantee my desired outcomes.
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The Surrender Difference
What separates diligence from striving is surrender – acknowledging that while we must be responsible, much of life remains beyond our control.
I’ve come to understand that we can only truly control two inputs:
- Our attitude
- Our effort
Everything else – timing, other people’s decisions, market conditions, unexpected obstacles – falls outside our direct influence. Diligence means faithfully managing those two inputs while surrendering the rest.
My 20-Month Lesson in Surrender
This distinction became crystal clear during my recent 20-month journey to find new corporate headquarters. Our lease costs had quadrupled over ten years, making renegotiation my first choice. Moving an entire company is difficult, expensive, and disruptive – I wanted to avoid it.
Despite my best efforts, renegotiation failed. What followed was a challenging search for new space that tested my commitment to diligence without striving. The process involved:
- Countless property viewings
- Negotiations that fell through
- Unexpected complications
- Situations that put our company in difficult positions
Throughout this journey, I maintained diligence – showing up, doing the work, maintaining a positive attitude, and giving my best effort. But I also practiced surrender, accepting that I couldn’t control the final outcome.
The Reward of Balanced Diligence
Today marks our first day in our new offices in a 105-year-old textile mill called Sibona Mill. Despite the long and winding path to get here, I’m thrilled with where we landed. The space has character, history, and serves our needs perfectly – an outcome I couldn’t have forced or predicted.
Had I approached this challenge with striving rather than diligent surrender, I would have experienced far more stress, frustration, and likely burnout. By focusing on my inputs while surrendering the outcomes, I maintained my peace through a challenging transition.
The truth is that life rarely follows our perfect plans. Markets shift, people change their minds, unexpected obstacles arise. Diligence with surrender allows us to do our part without carrying the impossible burden of controlling everything.
At 63, I’m still learning this lesson. But I can say with confidence that understanding the dividing line between diligence and striving – that internal act of surrender – has transformed how I approach challenges. I still work hard, but I hold the outcomes with open hands.
