The cold is coming. Maybe you’re stepping into a cold plunge, or maybe the weather is doing it for you. Either way, a simple shift in language can change how you face what’s next.
Here’s my take: words shape our mindset. When we say “have to,” we hand away our power. When we say “get to,” we take it back. That choice lowers stress, builds grit, and keeps us moving forward—especially when life isn’t fair.
The Case for “Get To” Over “Have To”
“Have to” sounds like a cage. It suggests someone else is in charge of my day, my energy, my attitude. That tone raises anxiety. It triggers fight-or-flight. It makes routine tasks feel like punishment.
“If I say I have to, kinda feels like a victim.”
There’s real science behind it. Cognitive therapy has long shown that language affects the nervous system. “Have to” nudges cortisol up. Stress follows. Performance dips. Relationships take the hit.
Now flip it. “Get to” reminds us we have a choice. Not a perfect life. A choice. That one word change tells the brain, “I’m not trapped.” It doesn’t erase pain. It strengthens agency.
“We’re not victims. Let’s be victors in this thing called life.”
Hard Truths, Real Choices
Let’s be clear. Some days bring real fear. A shotgun was pulled on me in high school. That moment was not a mindset trick. But most of the time, we do have a say in how we respond. We pick our words. Those words set our state.
Ten days ago, I learned I get to have my seventh eye surgery. That’s not fun. It’s seven too many. Yet there’s a gift here. Skilled surgeons have kept sight in one eye through six previous procedures. A seventh might help again.
“However, I get to have eye surgery.”
This isn’t fake cheer. Toxic positivity is not the goal. Name the hard thing. Then choose the posture that helps you carry it.
Try This Language Shift Today
Watch the words you use in the moments that matter. Small edits can change how your brain and body respond.
- “I have to work late” becomes “I get to finish this because my team counts on me.”
- “I have to do my cold plunge” becomes “I get to build grit and clear my head.”
- “I have to go inside” becomes “I get to listen, avoid consequences, and keep trust.”
- “I have to face this surgery” becomes “I get access to care that can save sight.”
These shifts won’t make hard things easy. They make hard things workable. And that matters when the storm hits.
What About The Pushback?
Some will say, “Come on, a word swap won’t change reality.” Right—the facts don’t change. But the body’s reaction does. That’s the point. Lower stress. Higher ownership. Better decisions.
Others worry this is sugarcoating. It isn’t. Acknowledge pain. Say the quiet part out loud: some parts of life are unfair and heavy. Then choose your response with care. That’s maturity, not denial.
From Victim to Victor
Most of us don’t have a gun to our head when we say “have to.” We have a habit. Habits can change. Language is the lever. Use it on yourself. Use it with your kids. Use it at work. The shift from “have to” to “get to” builds resilience, one sentence at a time.
“How we respond to it is still a choice.”
Choose Your Words. Choose Your Week.
Here’s the move: catch one “have to” today and trade it for “get to.” Do it again tomorrow. Track how your energy shifts. Notice how your family and team respond when you lead with choice, not complaint.
The cold is coming, one way or another. Step in on purpose. Speak like an owner. Then act like one.
Call to action: For the next seven days, replace “have to” with “get to” in your daily routine. Share the change with a friend or teammate. Hold each other to it. Let’s be victors this week.
