The cold water hits hard, but it wakes up truth. Here’s mine. Shame almost kept me silent after a partner I trusted stole from me—twice. I left a firm with my name on the door, moved to Charlotte, and started over because I refused to torch him or my reputation. That move carried a secret I didn’t want to say out loud.
My stance is simple: silence feeds shame, and shame keeps leaders stuck. The way out is through confession, even if it’s only to one person who cares. Every time I’ve dragged a hidden mess into the light, I’ve found freedom—and, often, a surprising response: “You too?”
The Power of “You Too?”
Not long ago, someone who heard me speak and caught an episode I did with Chris Salerno asked to meet. We grabbed coffee. We found shared roots in Kansas and even time in Wichita. Then he said something he was nervous to say because he’d heard me hint at it. Partner embezzlement. He’d been through it as well.
“You too?”
That one phrase lifted a weight. I wasn’t the only one. The embarrassment didn’t vanish, but the shame lost its grip. The same thing happened years earlier when a man kept pressing me about why I left my own firm. I was dodging. He wouldn’t let it go. Finally, I told him the truth. His response was the same two words.
Those words became a kind of rule. If it hurts, name it. If it’s hiding, bring it out. If it’s stealing your sleep, tell someone who cares.
What I Learned The Hard Way
In my twenties, I trusted a partner 20 years older. I didn’t have the right checks and balances. I thought loyalty would be enough. It wasn’t. Trust without verification is not leadership. It’s hope, and hope is not a control system.
Leaving was painful. Starting over in a city where we knew no one was even harder. But keeping my mouth shut made it worse. Once I said it out loud, the shame faded. I could think clearly. I could lead again.
Stop Hiding What Hurts
Many CEOs carry private messes—financial betrayals, bad hires, broken deals, even personal failures. The more we hide, the heavier it gets. Leaders think they must “hold the line.” I’ve coached enough of them to know that silence creates isolation. Isolation creates bad decisions.
There’s another way. It’s simple, practical, and most people resist it until they’re done pretending.
- Name the wound. Use plain words.
- Tell one trusted person. Not social media—someone who cares.
- Put simple guardrails in place. Dual controls. Regular reviews.
- Write the lesson down. Memory fades. Patterns don’t.
- Move forward without revenge. Protect your name and energy.
These steps don’t fix the past. They stop it from owning the future.
Counterarguments I Hear—And Why They Fail
“If I tell someone, it’ll hurt my image.” No. Honesty earns respect, especially from the people you want around you. The right people lean in.
“My situation is unique.” Maybe a few details are. But the core is common—betrayal, fear, shame. I’ve heard it from founders, presidents, and folks just getting started. Different industries. Same human story.
“Time will fix it.” Time doesn’t heal secrets. Truth does.
Why This Matters
I’ve been a turnaround guy since 28. I’ve led four companies, helped grow others, and now walk with CEOs as a confidant and connector. I co-host the Anything But Typical podcast because real stories move people. The pattern is clear: leaders who speak the hard truth get free faster. They build stronger teams. They make better decisions. They sleep better.
“Drag that thing out of the shadows. Bring it into the light.”
That’s not just a catchy line I use after a cold plunge. It’s a strategy. It’s how you cut the power of shame and get your edge back.
A Simple Call To Action
If something is gnawing at you—say it. One person. One honest sentence. Today. Then add one control you should have added long ago. Keep your head up. Stay kind. Stay tough. And if you hear someone confess their own mess, try these two words that changed my life:
“You too?”
That small phrase may be the start of someone else’s freedom—and yours.
