I’ve noticed a common pattern in my years of coaching and business: people find it incredibly difficult to ask for help. This reluctance stems from a fundamental lack of faith in abundance – the belief that there’s more than enough of everything for everyone.
Think about this scenario: You approach a picnic table where three people are sitting with 100 racks of ribs. Would you feel guilty asking for one? Of course not! In fact, you’d probably be doing them a favor. They’re likely sitting there thinking, “Who can we share these ribs with?” That’s what faith in abundance looks like in action.
This simple example illustrates a profound truth about human interaction. When we believe resources are scarce, we hoard and hesitate. When we believe in abundance, giving and receiving become natural extensions of our humanity.
The Hidden Value of Asking for Help
Beyond abundance, there’s another aspect we often overlook – the value created when we ask others for assistance. Consider how you feel when someone asks you for help. There’s a sense of purpose, connection, and satisfaction that comes from being needed and contributing to someone else’s success.
By refusing to ask for help, I’m actually denying others this positive experience. In a way, I’m cheating them out of the opportunity to feel valued and to contribute. This realization transformed my approach to leadership and business relationships.
When I was building my career at Leigh Steinberg Sports & Entertainment, I learned that the strongest leaders weren’t those who did everything themselves, but those who knew when and how to ask for support. This wasn’t weakness – it was strategic strength.
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Breaking Down Our Resistance
What holds us back from asking? In my experience coaching entrepreneurs and executives, these barriers typically include:
- Fear of appearing incompetent or unprepared
- Concern about burdening others with our problems
- Pride and the desire to prove our self-sufficiency
- Past experiences where requests were denied or ridiculed
- Cultural conditioning that values independence above interdependence
Each of these barriers reflects a scarcity mindset rather than an abundance perspective. When we believe resources, knowledge, and goodwill are limited, asking feels like taking. When we believe in abundance, asking becomes participating in a natural flow of giving and receiving.
I’ve found that the most successful people I’ve worked with are often the most willing to ask for help. They understand that no one achieves greatness alone. Success is a collaborative effort, not a solo journey.
Practical Steps to Ask More Effectively
If you struggle with asking for help, start small. Begin by requesting assistance with minor tasks or advice in areas where you genuinely need guidance. Notice how people typically respond – usually with willingness and even enthusiasm.
Be specific about what you need. Vague requests make it difficult for others to assist effectively. Instead of saying “I need help with this project,” try “Could you review these three points in my presentation and give me feedback by Thursday?”
Remember to express gratitude when help is given, but don’t over-apologize for asking. Treating requests as normal exchanges rather than impositions helps reinforce the abundance mindset for everyone involved.
Most importantly, create a cycle of giving and receiving. When you freely offer help to others, asking becomes easier because you’re participating in a balanced exchange rather than just taking.
The next time you hesitate to ask for help, remember the picnic table with too many ribs. By asking, you’re not just getting what you need – you’re giving someone else the opportunity to contribute, connect, and feel valued. And in a world of abundance, that’s a gift that multiplies rather than diminishes.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How can I overcome the fear of looking incompetent when asking for help?
Reframe your thinking to see asking for help as a sign of self-awareness and intelligence, not weakness. The most respected professionals know their limitations and leverage others’ strengths. Start by asking for specific input rather than general assistance, which demonstrates you’ve already put thought into the situation.
Q: What if someone refuses when I ask for help?
A refusal isn’t a reflection on your worthiness but often about the other person’s capacity at that moment. Thank them for their honesty, and approach someone else. Remember that in an abundant world, there are multiple sources of support available to you.
Q: How do I ask for help without feeling like I’m burdening others?
Be mindful of timing and context, but remember that most people genuinely enjoy being helpful. Make your requests clear and reasonable, and give people the opportunity to decline if needed. Often what feels like a burden to you is actually an opportunity for connection to others.
Q: Is there a difference between asking for help in professional versus personal contexts?
While the approach might differ slightly, the fundamental principles remain the same. In professional settings, frame requests in terms of mutual benefit when possible. In personal relationships, vulnerability often strengthens bonds rather than weakening them. Both contexts benefit from clear communication and genuine appreciation.
Q: How can I build an abundance mindset if I’ve always thought in terms of scarcity?
Start by noticing examples of abundance in your daily life – from nature’s endless creativity to the generosity you witness in communities. Practice gratitude daily to recognize what you already have. Surround yourself with people who operate from abundance rather than scarcity, and consciously challenge thoughts that assume limitation rather than possibility.
