Imagine yourself in a sea of strangers, feeling somewhat lost and disconnected. Suddenly, you spot a familiar face—someone you’d call a friend. In that moment, familiarity doesn’t breed contempt; it brings comfort and connection. This contrast made me wonder about the old adage “familiarity breeds contempt” and whether it holds true in our lives.
I’ve been thinking about this concept recently during our family beach vacation. On our last day, my wife asked my 12-year-old grandson about his favorite part of the trip. His answer? “The first day.” This struck me as fascinating because that first day was far from perfect—temperatures were about 20 degrees below normal, and rain came and went throughout the day. Yet for him, that imperfect day held the most magic.
Why? Because it had been two years since he’d experienced the ocean with us. That first encounter renewed his sense of wonder and excitement. The novelty made even a chilly, rainy beach day special.
The Familiarity Trap
We all experience this pattern with people, places, and experiences we once found exciting. Over time, what once thrilled us becomes ordinary. What once inspired awe becomes background noise. It’s not necessarily contempt that develops, but something perhaps equally dangerous: indifference.
I’ve seen this happen in my own life—with relationships, with places I love, even with activities that once energized me. The danger isn’t in familiarity itself, but in how we respond to it. When we stop noticing what made something special in the first place, we lose something valuable.
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Breaking the Pattern
Through my experiences working with business leaders and in my own life, I’ve discovered two powerful antidotes to the familiarity trap:
- Never take anything for granted. Life is fluid and constantly changing. When we assume something will always be there, we stop appreciating it. Relationships evolve, circumstances shift, and opportunities come and go.
- Cultivate curiosity and wonder. There’s always something deeper to explore in our relationships, our surroundings, and our experiences if we remain open to discovery.
These practices aren’t just nice ideas—they’re essential skills for maintaining vitality in our lives and relationships. Without them, we risk sliding from familiarity into boredom or worse.
“Keep going deeper, and then we don’t lose that sense of wonder and amazement and curiosity.”
Practical Application
How do we put this into practice? I find these approaches helpful:
- Practice gratitude daily for the people and experiences in your life
- Ask deeper questions in conversations instead of sticking to routine topics
- Challenge yourself to find something new about familiar places or activities
- Remember that nothing lasts forever—appreciate what you have while you have it
This mindset applies to everything from long-term relationships to daily routines. Even my cold plunge practice reminds me of this truth. Despite doing it regularly, the 83-degree water still shocks my system. It remains challenging, but I keep showing up because I value the experience.
The cold water serves as a perfect metaphor: familiarity with the practice doesn’t diminish its impact. Similarly, we can maintain freshness in all areas of our lives if we approach them with the right mindset.
I believe we need to cultivate these attitudes daily. Life is too short to let familiarity drain the color from our experiences or relationships. By practicing gratitude and curiosity, we can ensure that familiarity breeds not contempt, but deeper appreciation and connection.
