We’ve made healing far too complicated. For years, I’ve watched people approach their emotional healing as if it were some epic mystical journey requiring countless steps, special techniques, and years of work. But after guiding countless individuals through their healing journeys, I’ve discovered a much simpler truth.
Healing isn’t complex—it’s just difficult. And there’s an important difference between those two things.
The process of accumulating emotional pain follows a predictable pattern. When something hurts, instead of feeling it fully, we run from it. We suppress it. We numb it. We distract ourselves with anything available—work, achievements, food, social media, relationships, or becoming the person everyone else needs us to be. Anything to avoid sitting with our pain.
This avoidance creates the very wounds we later need to heal. The pain doesn’t disappear—it gets stored in our bodies, our nervous systems, our subconscious minds. It waits there, influencing our behaviors and reactions until we finally turn toward it.
The Simple Formula for Healing
If pain gets stuck because we suppress it, then it gets unstuck when we express it. That’s it. That’s the work.
Healing is simply the opposite of how we created our wounds in the first place. It’s willingly facing and feeling what we’ve been running from. This isn’t complicated conceptually, but it requires tremendous courage.
When I work with clients, I notice they often want to intellectualize their healing. They want to understand every aspect of their trauma, analyze their patterns, and create elaborate plans for recovery. While insight is valuable, it can become another form of avoidance if we’re not careful.
The most powerful healing moments I’ve witnessed have been surprisingly simple:
- A person finally allowing themselves to feel grief they’ve been pushing away for years
- Someone expressing anger they’ve been taught was unacceptable
- An individual acknowledging a truth they’ve been denying
- A client sitting with uncomfortable emotions without trying to fix or change them
These moments don’t require special techniques or years of training. They simply require presence and willingness.
The Deeper Lesson of Healing
If you’re wise, you’ll recognize that the real problem was never the pain itself. The real problem is that you were afraid of pain.
This is the profound insight that transforms healing from a one-time project into a lifelong practice. When we heal old wounds, we’re not just clearing emotional baggage—we’re learning how to have a new relationship with pain itself.
The real power of healing is that you learn how to feel pain without being destroyed by it. You discover that emotions, even intense ones, are temporary visitors. They rise, they peak, they pass. Nothing stays forever if we don’t hold onto it.
Breaking the Cycle
This new relationship with pain changes everything. When life hurts in the future—and it will, because that’s part of being human—you don’t have to store it. You don’t need to suppress it or carry it. You can feel it in real time and let it move through you.
In this way, you no longer accumulate new wounds that need to be healed. You process pain as it comes, preventing it from becoming tomorrow’s trauma.
I’ve seen this transformation countless times in my work. People who were once overwhelmed by their emotions learn to sit with discomfort. Those who spent decades running from their pain discover they can face it and survive. Individuals who thought they were broken beyond repair find wholeness not by becoming perfect, but by embracing all parts of their experience.
The journey isn’t always easy, but it is simple. Feel what you’ve been avoiding. Express what you’ve been suppressing. And in doing so, learn that you are stronger than your pain.
This is the path to freedom—not freedom from pain, but freedom from fear of pain. And in that freedom lies true healing.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I know what emotions I’ve been suppressing?
Pay attention to patterns in your life—recurring conflicts, physical symptoms without medical cause, or emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to situations. These often point to suppressed emotions. Your body keeps score, so tension, chronic pain, or digestive issues can also signal unexpressed feelings.
Q: Isn’t some emotional avoidance necessary to function in daily life?
There’s a difference between temporary compartmentalization and chronic avoidance. Sometimes we need to set emotions aside briefly to handle immediate responsibilities. The problem occurs when this becomes our default response to all difficult feelings. Healthy emotional management means making time to process feelings, not permanently avoiding them.
Q: What if feeling my emotions seems too overwhelming?
Start small and consider seeking support. You don’t have to face your deepest pain all at once. Begin with emotions that feel manageable and gradually build your capacity. Working with a therapist or coach can provide a safe container for exploring difficult feelings. Remember that emotions come in waves—they will peak and then subside if you allow them to flow.
Q: How long does the healing process typically take?
Healing isn’t linear and doesn’t follow a standard timeline. Some emotional wounds may resolve relatively quickly once acknowledged, while deeper traumas might require more time and support. The goal isn’t to rush through healing but to develop a new relationship with your emotional experience. Success isn’t measured by never feeling pain again, but by your ability to move through pain without being controlled by it.
Q: Can this approach help with physical symptoms or illness?
While emotional healing isn’t a substitute for medical care, there’s substantial research showing connections between suppressed emotions and physical health problems. The mind-body connection is powerful—chronic stress and unexpressed emotions can manifest as physical symptoms. Many people find that addressing emotional wounds leads to improvements in physical well-being, though this varies by individual and condition.